I just cut my nipple shaving
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
