there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
