Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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