Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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