But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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