I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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