A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
