We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
