I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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