watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
