Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
