what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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