Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he shaved USA in his pubs
time to smoke my breakfast
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
