Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
