I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
