very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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