she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
