I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
