Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
