Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
