I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
