Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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