u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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