i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
