what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
