she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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