Sry I called you an 8
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize