I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize