his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
