The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
