"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
