there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize