Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
