Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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