Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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