What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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