forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
