Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Text me some of your sweat
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
