I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
