This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
