I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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