I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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