I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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