In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
