he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
