we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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