matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
