so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
