apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
