Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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