Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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