why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
