I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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