sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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