just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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