I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
