Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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