Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I didn't notice because vodka
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
