a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't turn off my feet"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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