We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't deserve a penis
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
