he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
