On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
