I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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