He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
