I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
