dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
