The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
