you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
