I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
