Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
