is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
