if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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