Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize