He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
