Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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