I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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