He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
